I was having a chat with my friend Octavia when her mobile phone started ringing and she walked off to answer it in private. I wasn't left alone for long though; a few moments later Elliott Egan walked over, heavily intoxicated with alcohol.
"Hello, Egan," I said.
"Alright? Having a good time? You having much to drink?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm enjoying myself," I said. "I have had two alcoholic drinks, but that was kind of crazy, I'm not going to have more."
"Ah you need to!" He sounded a bit disappointed. "Anyway, I need to have a pee."
Egan then jumped onto the other side of the wall we were stood against; unfortunately, there was a twenty to thirty foot drop on the other side of it. He was now stood on the ledge and about to jump down.
"What are you doing?" I asked, somewhat alarmed.
"Like I said, I need to pee," he said.
"Perhaps you should climb onto this side of the wall where it's safe," I said, grabbing his arm.
"Nah I really have to pee!" he said and stepped over the edge. He was now hanging over the edge, the only thing keeping him up was me holding his arm, and he was quite heavy!
"Get back up!"
"Let go of me or I'll wet myself!" he complained before worryingly trying to free the arm I had hold of.
"Are you insane?" I asked, politely as possible. "Can you not see the huge drop below you? You'll die if you fall down there."
"Nah I'll die if you make me hold it in any longer let me go!" he said.
"The difference is that you'll actually die if you drop down there..."
"No, seriously I have to go!" he was starting to get annoyed by this point.
I decided it was best to try and call for some help. "Octavia, please help me pull him up! He's quite heavy I'm not sure I can keep holding him!"
Octavia continued obliviously chatting on the phone. I let out a gentle sigh.
"It's fine," he tried to assure me. "Really, just let me have a pee!"
"I'm not trying to stop you from having a pee; I'm trying to stop you from falling down there and breaking your legs, or worse. If you let me help you up you can just go in an actual toilet or in an alley if you really need to..."
"Nah I can't hold it that long, I need to go now!" he seemed to be forgetting that he was hanging over the edge of a significant drop.
I was now, using both of my hands to try and pull him up by the arm of his I had a hold of. I was even pushing my feet against the wall to give me more force. Unfortunately, I'm very weak, so he just carried on hanging. At this moment, my friend Ben Wood walked past.
"Oh my God what's Egan doing there!?" asked Ben.
"Well," I said, "he wants to use the toilet, and he thinks it would be a good idea to jump down there first... Help my pull him up!"
Ben reached down and grabbed Egan’s other arm and together we were able to pull him back up.
"Huh, what happened here?" said Octavia, who had just come over after finishing her phone call.
"Egan, go and use the toilet somewhere else! There're plenty of secluded areas you can do it," I told him.
"Urgh fine," he moaned and then ran off down the road to find somewhere else.
I’ll post more events from this day over the next week or so.