I was walking along in Bath and just enjoying the atmosphere of a city during the night time. I really love walking around cities at night. Something about the bright city lights contrasting against the darkness. I checked the time: 8:20 p.m. Anyway, I came around a corner and then I found a homeless woman standing in the middle of the path.
"'scuse me, mate," she said, "could you possibly give me a cigarette?"
"I'm afraid I don't have one. Sorry," I said and, of course, I didn't have one. I don't and have never smoked.
"Please, mate," she said, sounding quite sad.
"I honestly don't have one," I said, apologetically.
"What do you have?" she asked.
"Well, I'd be happy to give you a pound," I said, smiling and feeling pleased that she'd not be disappointed.
"Oh, thank you, mate," she said. "I really appreciate it."
She opened her arms to give me a hug, and while I am not the most physical person I considered that I'd had much more unappealing hugs in the past and this would only last for couple of seconds. So I gave her hug for a second and then tried to release. Except she didn't let go of me.
"Well, I-" I said, hoping to say "Well, I should probably be going now" but she cut me off.
"I really appreciate this, mate," she said and then I realised she was making a kissy mouth.
She kissed me on the cheek.
"Well, you are a very affectionate person," I said, unsure of how to respond to that.
By this point, I should clarify; I wasn't hugging her back at all. Just standing there, trapped in her arms and trying to pull back.
This is when she started a frenzy of kisses that went on for some time. She would occasionally stop to say something incoherent and I didn't understand a lot of the things she said. I tried many times to say I had to go, but she always cut me off, so I had to endure it. My face was wet with her saliva quite quickly. It later took a while to get the taste off my lips.
Now, you might wonder "Why didn't you push her away?" and I have two very good reasons. Firstly, I am an absolute pacifist and don't ever like to use force on anyone, even if they are using force on me. Secondly, the pair of us had attracted the attention of a group of drunken lads on the other side of the road, who were shouting lots of things at me. Some of them were jokey in a derogatory kind of way ("Someone's desperate!") but others were more aggressive ("Oi, mate, leave her alone!") and it soon became clear to me that they thought I was assaulting/taking advantage of her. I think they were probably keeping an eye on me to make sure I didn't do anything too drastic, because they stayed and watched the whole time. Rather ironic, really! So even if I was comfortable with using force, had I done so, it likely would have made them think I had gone too far and perhaps the whole lot of them would have used force on me!
This isn't actually the first time I've found myself trapped in a stranger's embrace. Regular readers will remember I said that last time this happened to me I started shaking around like I was having a seizure, which made the woman let go in confusion, giving me time to run away. But this time, as I was dealing with someone who was very drunk and I didn't think it was work. I couldn't squirt her with my Trusty Water Bottle either, which is often a good defence, because her grip around me was so tight and I couldn't reach it. So I was stuck; held in place to endure her relentless kisses.
Towards the end of it, she put her hand behind my head and started pushing it towards her own; it was clear that she was trying to make me kiss her. When it became clear that I wasn't going to do that, she instead turned my head so that she could whisper something in my ear.
"I love you."
"Well, that was very kind of you to say," I said, "but I really-"
She then started kissing my ear and then moved back over to the rest of my face. I squirmed and I tried to object, but it was all in vain. Eventually, it did come to a stop and she told me that she lived in a nearby park. She wanted me to come and visit her there the next day. As I am sure you can imagine, I'm not particularly keen to do that.
"Well, I'll certainly be keeping my eyes peeled for you in future," I said, rather passive aggressively
She ended with one tight hug and a kiss on my chest. "Never forget that I love you."
Finally, I was free to escape! I hurried on my way, hoping she'd not want to continue our interactions. How long had I been there? It felt like very long time. I thought I had better check the time, to make sure I didn't miss my bus: 8:30 p.m. So I'd spent a whole ten minutes being kissed by a drunken homeless woman. At least it's over now.
(Don't miss today's Finger Puppet Show!)